The words "my birth control fell out" should never be spoken
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
You asked to borrow my glasses for a moment. Then you whipped them at someone's head.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
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