There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
If it carries over into the weekend I would be glad to nurse your vagina back to health.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
Randomize
