No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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