I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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