Tell me exactly where it said it wasn't a unisex bathroom.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Randomize
