I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
Randomize
