well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
