I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You introduced her by saying, "This is the girl who sexes me." Then you passed out on the coffee table.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
you drug him to get him horny then deny him sex. freaks.
Randomize
