remember when you found twisted pleasure condoms in my parents bathroom? theyre gone.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
and she said "My body is an orphanage, I take everybody in"...
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Your stoned with a 2 year old in the room....and that makes you want to have babies?!
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I found him in the kitchen singing German metal into a banana while simultaneously mixing brownie batter. He didn't have any pants on.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
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