was it more than 30 minutes?
ya
then you're in a relationship
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Of course she said it wasn't that good, I don't bring my A game to pity fuck the thrice divorced girl from work
You didn't even properly utilize my pigtails.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
Can we both just take a day off just to have sex? Is that acceptable as an adult?
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
Randomize
