she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
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