so while we were having sex, he stuck it in my but, and when he finished he goes next time can we have anal. i don't know if that means im tight or my butt hole is loose, i choose to think the first one
i just threw up in front of the washington monument. such a scenic puke.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I just called my boyfriend "Dad"... Awkward
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
