and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
He was so confused why there was a string hanging out of my vagina.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
don't ever try to run hungover. just puked mid-run in front of an old couple that were going for a walk. they were horrified.
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
Got so drunk in South Padre some guy put me on a suitcase trolly and pushed me to my room. I flashed my boobs as a tip.
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
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