Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
I don't hate you. My dick is upset with you, but I don't hate you.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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