well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
he ate me out like he was chugging a beer.
U took a sewing needle to his nipple
Psshh,
I may hire someone just to sell my family the drugs they keep asking me for. It's cutting into my doing drugs time.
Nothing says "future AA member" like bonging 40's out of a plastic flamingo.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
I just found an old slice of LIME in my wallet?????????
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