Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
He handed me a beer to drink as he went down on me. I want to keep him
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
