hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
And Anthony pissed on himself at the strip club
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
Thinking about adopting a 16 yr old here. Her name is Abby and she likes vodka. We've bonded. I need a sober driver n e ways...
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
Don't smoke out front when you get home there's gasoline involved I'll tell you later
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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