Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
Tell mom and/or dad that I am going to be home late. I am really blazed. Don't tell them that part, though.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
He taped a champagne bottle to both his hands and called himself edward champagne hands. At one point he poured some on his lap and said " Just needed to make sure my dick got some too"
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
Randomize
