just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
You can't say "they have anal bleaching for that" and then just hang up
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She wanted me to watch her masterbate and after she thanked me for a wonderful evening and left. This state is weird.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
Randomize
