You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
You were too busy being proud of your penis shaped pancakes to notice...
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize
