Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
my brother came home with a bottle of vodka and his pants off. were gonna spend more quality time together.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
im sorry but you know it was a good night when you got tasered on the ass and didnt even feel it
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Damn, well, it could always be worse
For sure, I could be a prison bitch right now. Thursdays aren't half bad
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
I'm getting married
To pizza
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
Randomize
