So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
I cant yet im literally covered in lube but I will later
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
