writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
Urine might work for jellyfish stings, but we found out it doesn't work well for nose bleeds...
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
He told me his cum shot melted the paint on his bedroom wall and asked if I want to see it
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Holy shit, did you actually CHOOSE to get hit by the alcohol truck last night?
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Randomize
