You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Ok Ghana you win again. Tell you what...Double or nothing over women's tennis, basketball, hockey, war, baseball, golf, swimming, diving, oil spills, box office proceeds, internet porn sites, criminals incarcerated, women's downhill, bass fishing, NASCAR, or GDP?
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
He sent me a picture of his cock that seemed to indicate that we were still on good terms.
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Call me a snob but I'm not banging chicks with more fingers than teeth.
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