The girls stopped by my apartment. They caught me naked with a nearly empty bottle of vodka in one hand, drawing crop circles in the carpet with the vacuum.
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I feel like if I were on Intervention, I would have to be a season finale.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
Tell us when you see the semi truck on fire.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
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