i just pooped in tubberware. not a proud day
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
mondays should just be called national damage control day
the cool security guard showed me the video clip of how i sat criss-cross-applesauce on the elevator for 20 minutes last night
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
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