he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
apologized to him about 10 times for being drunk. told him about 15 times that he was "really pretty"
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
Nothing brings people closer than bonding over tequila shots and running from campus security.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
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