I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
No Robbie is the name of a kid or dog, not an adult man who's fucking you.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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