Sometimes, dog treats look like people treats.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I still have a little drunk in my system
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
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