Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
I need a burrito and a hug.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
I woke up naked wrapped in a wolf blanket on the bathroom floor
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
Randomize
