Porn is love you can see.
i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
Thats my favorite, when ex girlfriends become XL ex girlfriends
duuuude. vodka popsicles DO NOT function.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I just wanna suck his dick on my balcony ya know
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Randomize
