Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
Why can't burritos get me drunk
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
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