nut hugger
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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