billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
I just...no. You make my soul cry. You are giving me karma-cancer. This torture of my majesticness can no longer be tolerated.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
I'm trying to drink up the confidence to run in public.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
I was about to break it off with him because I realised he only wanted me for sex, until I realised that I only wanted HIM for sex. Win/win
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
Randomize
