forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
Randomize
