it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
Ketchup is God's man juice
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
