RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
Randomize
