What a fucking waste of an outfit
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
bring money and cleavage
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
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