You just left with that feminine looking guy you kept calling "Jessica." Just giving the heads up.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
The drugstore has summer clearance. I bought you a little mermaid bucket. Now your hangovers will feel more like childhood adventures.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
What? No, wine isn't my weakness, I just love it.
Randomize
