Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I'm thinking I had intended to send you pics cuz I woke up naked
Well, I didn't bring a notebook or any paper to class. Should I take notes on the sugar packet, lace thong, or condom wrapper that instead are in my school bag?
his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Randomize
