Cruel joke of nature. Hair on head runs from face, and hides on various parts of body. Aging sucks.
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
I'm gonna take my bong and hot box the pirate ship in the daycare playground.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
Randomize
