The worlds most fuckable chipmunk
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
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