I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
I'm about to enter vancouver's biggest liquor store. I feel like I should sent you a "wish you were here" postcard.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
so why was i the only one who woke up with ham stuck to my ass?
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
His dick smelled like strawberries...it was awesome.
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