I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
She was crying and pulled the collar of her shirt up to blot the tears. And then she just kept her head there. And stopped crying. "My boobs are just too amazing for me to cry." her words not mine please help she's still in that position
we should paint friendship bongs
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