You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
all I know is he gave me a Cialis and tried to take me home.
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
He got naked after doing the Ice Water Challenge and it was still enormous. So, yeah, I stayed over.
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
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