So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
woke up to a case of keystone on my porch when I went to bed at seven that morning.. I think it's someone's peace offering for getting my roommates car towed
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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