He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
Did you get drunk between now and two texts ago?
Randomize
