An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Woke up backwards on a recliner
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
