I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
is it bad that I'm more worried about having to take out my piercings than the fact that I might be having a kid
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