If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
you better take a shot tonight for every cat you have ever seen and wanted. this is a lot of cats.
Seriously. What did you do to me. You have a monstercoooooock.
I can't believe I just typed monstercoooooock. Twice.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
That guy was cool until he tried fighting that dude in the bow tie. I need better wingmen.
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
Lighting a fucking bong with a candle. Straight up dedication.
Randomize
