At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Randomize
