Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
How do I word.. " hey, I need you to fuck me really hard and see if you or I can feel my birth control. No worries, this is just an experiment." In a nice way without them feeling used.
Randomize
