It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
You weren't a difficult drunk to take care of. I just had to stop you from plunging the toilet once or twice.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
My printer just jammed because one of the condom wrappers I threw when we had sex in my dorm
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
