Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
is it STILL halloween? when did this turn into a week long holiday
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Think of where it's been though. That Dr. Suess book, "Oh the Places You'll go" was written for his penis.
IDK. when she left she was wearing her bra like an eyepatch and offering to shiver the timbers of the dorm patrol.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
He's short and fat and honestly I think he's what my self esteem was made for
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Randomize
