i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Judging by the hole in the wall by the door, the mis-matched shoes by the door, and the door hanging off one hinge... i'd say he's on the loose.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Want to know what makes for a better story than treehouse sex? Getting busted during treehouse sex
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
cake and sex. what better combination is there.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
Every text my dad sends me is an AA mantra. Might be time to take a look at my life.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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